Episode 52: What true care from your ObGyn should look and feel like

Dr. Sophia:
Hello everyone. Welcome to the Dr. Sophia Obgyn podcast. I'm an obgyn practicing for over 15 years in my native New York City. And I love to help women learn about their bodies, empower them, and embrace themselves. On this podcast, we talk openly and with heart about all things affecting women from pregnancy, menopause periods, sexual health, fertility, and so much more. Disclaimer, this is general medical information based on my professional opinion and experience. For specific medical advice, please refer to your physician.

Hi everyone, and welcome to the Dr. Sophia Obgyn podcast. As always, I am just so excited to be here with my co-host and good friend Touseef Mirza.

Touseef Mirza:
Hi everybody.

Dr. Sophia:
And we always get into these conversations that we end up bringing to you. And today is no different. I was expressing to Touseef about a few patients I had this week who came to me. One of them was recommended to me actually by her mother. And she hadn't had an exam at the gyn in like five years. And let's say this woman was in her like, I wanna say maybe early thirties. I asked her, well, why haven't you been to the doctor in five years? And she says, I was just too scared. I was like, what? She's like, yeah, I was just too scared, the last time I went to the doctor, it was so painful, they just didn't listen to me. And so I was like, oh, I guess I'm not going back.

Touseef Mirza:
And when you say doctor, are you saying specifically an obgyn or PCP?

Dr. Sophia:
She had at the time gone to another gyn and she said that the experience was just so traumatic that she just couldn't wrap her head around going back. It just didn't matter the concept of annual exams or getting checkups and things like that, because she was just so fearful that every time she would go to the doctor that she was going to experience the same thing.

Touseef Mirza:
And is this something that happens often? Was this something that you don't hear as much?

Dr. Sophia:
So unfortunately, I actually hear this very often, but in her particular case, I was just like, I don't know. It just moved me to have a conversation about it because she was so, like, I was just never gonna go back. Like that was her answer to solving the issue. And then to see her in my office because her, her mother had come to see me, me as a new patient, and then had said, no, I'm telling you, you know, told, talking to the daughter like, it's gonna be fine. You really need to see this, this woman.

Touseef Mirza:
She was talking about you?

Dr. Sophia:
Yes. And so I felt really honored, first of all that her mother would recommend me and that she would actually show up

Touseef Mirza:
The daughter?

Dr. Sophia:
The daughter, and trust that she's gonna have a different experience. I'm already super conscious of the care that I give and how I approach patients and how I talk to patients and how I examine patients. But, you know, it just took it to a whole nother level, I guess. And I talked through with her just her past experience, her history, going through, you know, all kinds of things with her in terms of finding out who she was. The one thing I said to her is that, I'm just so sorry that you experienced that. Like it should never be that you have had so much trauma with a doctor that it makes you completely like immobile almost in terms of seeking care in the future. And that really just resonated with me.

Touseef Mirza:
So you were basically apologizing on behalf of those that didn't take care of her properly?

Dr. Sophia:
Yes, because I needed to a hundred percent validate what she'd experienced and let her know that we are gonna work together to make sure that that's not what's gonna happen in this particular situation. But I was so sad. I literally was like, I'm so sad that that happened to you and it really, it just moved me emotionally to be like, what is going on? Like, how is this even possible? Like, we are healthcare providers, we are supposed to be caring.

Touseef Mirza:
Well ‘healthcare’- the care is literally in the word.

Dr. Sophia:
In the word. And so the concept of healthcare, bringing on trauma, I can go back hundreds of years. In terms of trauma, especially against women. But the fact that it was still happening like today was so disturbing for me.

Touseef Mirza:
So I think we need to break that down, just the term medical trauma in terms of what does that even mean in terms of trauma. So can you explain a little bit what she had experienced? Did she share that with you? That made her not go back to an obgyn?

Dr. Sophia:
So specifically she had gone for what we all routinely call the annual exam, which would encompass doing a pap smear and a pelvic exam. And with the pap smear, we typically have to insert a speculum into the vagina in order to visualize the inside of the vagina and to visualize the cervix, which is where the test for the pap smear is actually happening.

Touseef Mirza:
The speculum is a long device that you put into the vagina?

Dr. Sophia:
Yes. It is an instrument that we have to insert into the vagina in order to be able to see inside of the vagina. And the way she said, they just shoved it in without warning. No, she's like, they just shoved it in. And I was just like, oh my God. At that moment, I felt her pain. That's the bottom line.

Touseef Mirza:
The thing also is having gone for a lot of pap smears in my life or the annual examination. It's such a vulnerable situation for a woman. To be lying down with her legs open. Then also a lot of people don't even feel comfortable being naked, especially showing, you know, your whole vulva and vagina and then on. So already we're kind of always a little bit on edge.

Dr. Sophia:
It's a heightened alert.

Touseef Mirza:
Right. And so on top of that, if there is something that happens abruptly in an already high state of stress, that is what we call trauma.

Dr. Sophia:
I take nothing for granted in that situation because I recognize how traumatic it can be. You're meeting someone for the very first time. Imagine you're told to get undressed, you're expected to be naked in front of this person showing your most private and intimate parts. And the whole situation has to happen within minutes. Under most conditions, this is a very short visit. And none of that falls short on me when I'm interacting with my patients, because I feel that sense of vulnerability.

Touseef Mirza:
It's amazing that you're still feeling that sense of vulnerability after all these years. Like, you've been doing this for 15 years and you see, I don't know how many patients a day, but you still have that awareness and that compassion every single time.

Dr. Sophia:
I just always imagine myself in their shoes. I don't know. I'm not kidding. I go to the gynecologist and I'm the person who's like up the bed. I, they have to keep telling me, okay, can you come back down? Can you come back down? It's not because I've had some major trauma experience per se, but yet still, I still feel very scared, vulnerable. Is this gonna hurt me? The gynecologist, and I go to my friends, but I don't . You know what I mean? Like, I'm going to the gynecologist that I know. And still, they're like, okay, are you gonna, are you gonna come down now?

Touseef Mirza:
Based on that, it basically means it's a completely natural and human reaction. To feel that way.

Dr. Sophia:
Absolutely.

Touseef Mirza:
I think that's important to confirm with everybody.

Dr. Sophia:
I want every woman to know there is no version of going to the gynecologist that is fun. Or that your reaction in feeling a sense of a little anxiety or angst or scared or exposed and vulnerable is 100% normal. It's part of why I like to describe over and over and over again, the concept of the doctor patient relationship. It's a relationship that we have to build on trust. And in that I feel like we have to build into it. I really want my patients to trust that I'm not there to hurt them.

Touseef Mirza:
A couple of things there. So I think, and, and I completely agree with you when we say doctor patient relationship, but that word relationship feels a little heavy. It's almost like we have more like relationships with our friends and our family, but when the doctor comes in, and if, especially if it's the first time we, I feel sometimes we don't necessarily have the time to create a relationship, because that might take some time. But you can create a connection, you can create a genuine human connection.

Dr. Sophia:
I think you're absolutely right about that. And, and quite frankly, when I say that we are building a relationship, it can be one that's built over time. And if you are coming to your doctor, your healthcare provider, there has to be some form of trust that's built. But I appreciate what you're saying in the sense of there's a connection that has to be there to allow you to kind of have some of that anxiety fall a little bit to allow yourself to be examined, to allow yourself to be cared for. But on the flip side, the healthcare provider has to actually care. And be invested in creating that type of connection so that way we can get to the point of being able to do the exam as well as to kind of understand why you're there to get to the bottom of trying to help and heal.

Touseef Mirza:
I just wanna come back for a second in terms of what we were talking about. And I was saying to myself, why, why am I saying that? So the first is because sometimes there's not a lot of time, and so you're trying to forge a connection. Number two, personally, even I had to because of different things in my life. And because, you know, the different insurances changed and I had to change doctors and systems a lot. Yeah. So sometimes it's hard to build a relationship over time. And I think, you know, a lot of people are in that boat where things just change. And so you have to figure out, well, what do I do in this situation? And so to actually create a bar of connection, you know, that I'm not just a number here, that you shove it in, like the woman said, right, right. I'm not a number here, I'm a human being, and you are a human being. Like, let's connect and talk on that human level. Even if it is for, you know, three, four minutes. But to talk about, how you're feeling, and especially if you're feeling fear. I mean, I'm glad, I'm so glad that you had the background for that woman. And so therefore, you know, we'll talk about.

Dr. Sophia:
Well, I asked.

Touseef Mirza:
You asked, okay. But let's say a doctor doesn't ask, it's for the, the women then unfortunately have that responsibility to share that.

Dr. Sophia:
And I get it because I get that they will be afraid to say anything. I mean, we're talking about a system where, you know, a doctor is looked at as this authority and you feel even afraid to say anything to them, you know, in terms of that quote, a paternalistic type of environment or system that's being created as far as medicine is concerned. So that's completely understandable. But as the patient, I would say that especially under the circumstances of a gyn exam, that is so vulnerable, that is so exposed, it is so important to bring that level of humanness and to bring to the table the forefront exactly how you're feeling. So letting that healthcare provider know, I'm actually extremely scared, or I've had a really bad experience in the past. How can we try to do this better? Or do I really even need this?

You know, like even that, I feel like this is the area in which we have to be our own advocate all the time. And it's in stopping that person in a, in the moment to say, I'm afraid, or, this was my previous experience. And I'm so glad that not only did I ask, but that she was able to fully share with me what it was like. And yes, of course I cringed, but then we were able to talk through it together as to what was going to be the next steps. Here's the thing, when the patient, you know, she was in front of me and she was describing her experience, it already put me in a place of how can I give her a more positive experience? And maybe she didn't realize it, but she was advocating for herself by just giving me the information of what happened to her and how she felt.

And then on my side, really having a strong desire to change the narrative for her on what it means to go to the doctor on what it means to have a gyn exam. And even just explaining why we do what we do. Most women don't even understand why they're getting a pap smear in the first place. And so, going through the steps, first of all, hearing her listening, allowing her to express her sentiments, her feelings, her pain, what she's gone through. And then to be able to reassure her in the moment that we're gonna work together, that these are the reasons why it's important for her to be examined in the first place, what a pap smear even is. And to show her, even the instrument itself, I let her hold it. I said, okay, this is the speculum. This is the smallest one that I have. This is where we're gonna start.

Touseef Mirza:
I don't think women know, like there's even different sizes when it comes to speculums.

Dr. Sophia:
Yes, there are, because we're all different. My preference is to always start with small, always. Because if I can accomplish what I need to accomplish with the small, then I have an opportunity to make it the least uncomfortable as possible. That's always for me, the goal. Most women don't even know what it is, what it looks like, you know? And what's worse is that just historically we used to use these metal speculums that were rather large.

Touseef Mirza:
I remember those.

Dr. Sophia:
And feeling like it's super cold.

Touseef Mirza:
And now they are plastic.

Dr. Sophia:
Well, I always use plastic for almost every scenario and a lot of lube, so that the opportunity is there for the speculum itself to be able to slide inside of the vagina as gently as possible. But it was in the talking through, I think, I asked her, I said, well, what are some of the things that calm you down? How are you and your body, you know, how to just kind of do your best to kind of relax yourself or, or bring yourself to a more calm state? And I said, is it, do you, would you like us to play music? Would you like us to do some breathing exercises? And to go through that and allow her to get to the point where she can regulate what she's going through in herself. But we have to give her time to do that. And I see how probably a lot of my colleagues don't, you know, we're not given this kind of time to settle. To just allow people to settle. And it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate that that's the system of medicine in which we are working in, but I don't let it define me. We have to be able to care. That's the whole point.

Touseef Mirza:
So then with this woman, she expressed to you that she had a bad experience. She explained to you what it was, you gave her the time to settle. When it comes time for the actual examination, what are things that you do? I know you said you use a smaller speculum but also in the pace, do you change your pace to accommodate?

Dr. Sophia:
For the most part, I'm always going slow because in the sense of I'm, I'm usually talking to the patients anyway, expressing to them, is it okay that I touch you now? This is what you're going to feel. This is the next step. I'm going to place the speculum. Now I expect that you'll feel a lot of pressure. And then in the moment, okay, are you feeling pressure or is this painful? Can I continue?

Touseef Mirza:
So continuous communication.

Dr. Sophia:
Continuous communication. So that way, even if it's just three seconds to accommodate and to know, okay, this is what's gonna come next and to be okay with what's happening. And we were able to get through the exam. And, and then at the end of it, she said, wow, I've just never had this experience before and thank you so much. And I walked away from that experience knowing that I at least have changed her perception of what the exam is supposed to be like. And to take away some of that fear, the kind of fear that held her back from even going to a doctor in five years.

Touseef Mirza:
I think this is really important so that people actually understand how good care actually is. Because it's possible that you've been through different exams, obgyn exams with different doctors, and you haven't had that type of experience. And maybe you think, well, that's just the way it is. So I think by us having this conversation is to actually say, no, this is not actually the way that it is. So even if you know some women out there who are saying to themselves, you know, that's great. You know, we're, we're happy that there's some doctors that are like that, but that hasn't been my experience and I can't find one. Or I just always thought that this was just the way that it was. And so, and I just go in and, you know, they stick it in, get it done, and then you leave. And that, that's just the way it is. And so I think by having this conversation, we're saying, well, no, actually caring means more than that.

Dr. Sophia:
Yes, of course we need to get through the exam, but how we get through the exam is a part of the care. I don't want my patients to walk away from the experience with me feeling traumatized. That just doesn't sit well with me at all. And granted, there are times that I have to do procedures on patients that are very painful. I may do my best to try to mitigate that. Meaning the way that we talk to our patients and the way that we communicate with the person on the other end, the receiving end is going to dictate how they see and view that experience. And even if it does cause a level of discomfort and pain, that doesn't mean that it needs to be quote unquote traumatic. There's two different things.

Touseef Mirza:
Pain is not trauma.

Dr. Sophia:
Pain does not equate trauma-

Touseef Mirza:
Necessarily?

Dr. Sophia:
Necessarily. Exactly.

Touseef Mirza:
So I think it's great that, you know, we're talking about what, what you bring to the table and how other obgyns and doctors should be taking more time and really looking at the person as a human and, and talking through them and having the communication. But sometimes unfortunately, the patient doesn't have control over that, right? Because when the patient comes in, what are certain things that we can do as patients to almost stop them in their tracks and make them listen to us and recognize like, you know, I'm not just a number here and I'm having some difficulty here.

Dr. Sophia:
I really think the first thing comes with expressing that right at the beginning of the exam othe interaction. So for me, it starts with introducing yourself.

Touseef Mirza:
So, hi, I am Touseef.

Dr. Sophia:
Yeah.

Touseef Mirza:
Okay.

Dr. Sophia:
Nice to meet you. I'm glad to be here. Thank you for taking care of me. I'd like to just let you know that I am very nervous, very scared about this exam. And these are the reasons why we can move forward in a way that I'll be able to get through this and then ask like, how, what are some of the ways that you think I can do this? That we can do this together, that's gonna be a little bit better.

Touseef Mirza:
So I think also, you know, by you saying that, it also requires a level of vulnerability to even say,I'm scared. I know, right? We have trouble saying that to ourselves. It's true. And now we're saying that to a person, someone else, we don't even know. We just met that person like a minute ago. And now we're going to put our most vulnerable selves completely exposed. It wasn't for an obgyn but when, when I was talking with you and I was actually scared to go back to do a mammogram, remember? Oh yeah. I was scared of doing a mammogram. And I said, oh my God, I don't wanna do a mammogram, but I know I have to do a mammogram. And the first time it was painful. And so I was like, I don't wanna go, but I have to go. And so I put it off like literally the patient that you're talking about.

And I'm like, what is the machine? Like, you know, how does that change? And so, you know, that's the machine that's actually doing the test. It's not even a person at that point. And I remember you told me, just tell her that you had a bad experience and you know, if there's anything that she can do. And I was like, okay you know, it's worth the shot at this point, you know, or else I got nothing. I mean, already I'm nervous and now I feel even more raw because now I have to tell her I'm scared that I'm scared that it's gonna be painful. And, you know, and you know, I'm a pretty strong person. I'm confident. I go out in the world, I do stuff. And now I have to tell this person that I've just met. I had a really bad experience. I'm scared it was painful, but I did. But you know, it was, it wasn't easy, even just that part. But I was just like, I would rather say that than go through the pain. If there's anything that I can do for myself, I will. I asked her, I said, you know, like what I just said. And then I said, you know, if there's anything that you can do that could possibly even alleviate some of the pain, whatever that is, because I don't know what that is, I would really appreciate it. That's what I told her.

And then she said, okay, I'll try my best. Let's work together. And I made the connection, you know, the connection we talked about. The connection. Like, she looked me in the eyes, I looked her in the eyes, and I, and I literally said, thank you in advance. You know, thank you for, for helping me. So I was just like, I want all the chips on my side because God knows I need it. And it was actually less painful. And I'm not just saying that because we're talking about this right now. It was actually that. And I thanked her at the end and she kept communicating with me. And there was a level of comfort knowing that in the best way possible, she was trying to have my back.

Dr. Sophia:
Right.

Touseef Mirza:
Or my breast in this situation. And that's all to say that even if it's difficult, even if they're not doing it, and now all the onus is on you, it's your body, right? I still wanna try not to have pain, but I know that it's going to be, but how can we mitigate as much as possible? And next time I will say that again.

Dr. Sophia:
You can start psyching yourself up or start having that open communication from the first person who sees you. So oftentimes, sometimes it's my assistant who comes to me and he says, okay, Dr. Lubin, this patient, this is her first time seeing an obgyn or this is her first pap smear. And already that puts me in a zone. Even expressed to the medical assistant or that person who comes in to take your vital signs just because it doesn't have that same feeling or level of authority perhaps, or-

Touseef Mirza:
Or the person who's actually doing, the person-

Dr. Sophia:
Doing the yes. The person who's actually going to be doing the exam versus the person who comes in and says, Hey, how are you? I'm just here to take your vital signs. And maybe sometimes that's the person who is a little bit easier to start the communication with, to kind of start grounding you in that feeling of saying, I am a little bit nervous about what's going to happen here. Or to express to them, Hey, can you let the doctor know, the nurse know, and the healthcare provider know that this is going to be my first time or whatever the situation. But maybe that's that, that's the first line. Because they can go back and tell the person who's gonna be working with you, hey, the patient is already, you know, nervous, scared, or has had a situation or whatever. So now when the physician comes into the room, again, we can start that dialogue and maybe it already puts you at a little bit more ease because you know that you've already advocated for yourself from the get go.

Touseef Mirza:
So basically just communicate to anybody.

Dr. Sophia:
Let's just start it.

Touseef Mirza:
Yeah. Just over again with a new person. That's all good.

Dr. Sophia:
The more you express, the more we know about you. I think it's the more you bring us also down to that feeling so that we can come with a more human response.

Touseef Mirza:
Right. If there is capacity of the person to do that,

Dr. Sophia:
Right? Yes, of course I can't speak for everyone. I hundred percent cannot speak for everyone, but at least we can try.

Touseef Mirza:
Exactly. So I think, you know, for me the biggest takeaway is we can't, you know, this is the saying is we can't control the world around us. We can control ourselves and how we react to it. Yeah. That's the only control we have. And so, best case scenario, we have somebody like Dr. Sophia , right? That comes in that's already in the right mindset. That's really caring for the person. You still communicate as you would otherwise. And the worst case scenario, you have to advocate, advocate for yourself over and over again and try to build that connection with the other person. And if unfortunately that fails, at least you've done everything that you could.

Dr. Sophia:
And I like to stress that point, because then you can feel like you at least trusted yourself. And so you can walk away from this situation knowing that you have done all you can,

Touseef Mirza:
Or a sense of not of release, but just to know, well, I did everything I could.

Dr. Sophia:
I did everything I could.

Touseef Mirza:
I didn't know that I could say that type of stuff. I'm just like, okay, it is just gonna be painful because that's just what it is. I didn't know that I actually had the right.

Dr. Sophia:
The right.

Touseef Mirza:
Yes. The right to actually come and say, can you do anything? We're talking about care and we're talking about, yes, the patient needs to have that responsibility. And also the onus is on the healthcare provider, but how do we actually cultivate that even further to make HCPs be more caring? I know you are starting, like from the get go from your students.

Dr. Sophia:
It's interesting you mentioned the concept of just caring, right? And so, for me, it's to embrace every single experience with a patient from a caring standpoint. And it's something that is so ingrained in me that I try my best to translate it, you know, like show it and teach it. I have the privilege of being able to teach medical students right now. And so I even tell them from the jump, the point of the rotation with me is for you to learn how to care for patients, even if it means that you didn't grasp everything about gynecology

Touseef Mirza:
From a medical technical perspective.

Dr. Sophia:
From medical technical, clinical standpoint. Instead, I just want you to firstly learn how to care for patients because the medicine you can learn.

Touseef Mirza:
And so what does that mean? Care for patients when you're telling that to them.

Dr. Sophia:
How to interact, how to give that patient the utmost respect and dignity, how do you interact and communicate with the patient? How do you always try to meet them where they are? How do you talk with them so that you're not in some lofty position or taking or, or, or coming from an egotistical way? Introduce yourself. The start is, can I touch you? When you go to see a patient that you ask for permission to examine them.

Touseef Mirza:
Not just go for it.

Dr. Sophia:
For my students, it's part of the curriculum that they listen literally to episode number eight.

Touseef Mirza:
Episode eight of the Dr. Sophia obgyn podcast, which is literally.

Dr. Sophia:
Can I touch you? It remains my favorite because it brings back that concept of care, respect, dignity.

Touseef Mirza:
Because when you're saying, can I touch you? The other person actually has to say yes or no. That is correct. That's part of the interaction.

Dr. Sophia:
Yes. And quite frankly, if they say no, then we say, okay, and that can at least open up a dialogue. Why are you afraid? Are you fearful? Is there, is it painful? Are you in pain right now? Is that area that I'm asking to touch, is that the area that is hurting you right now? Let's go through that. And that can open up another series of conversations. And then maybe we can say, okay, well maybe not today. Maybe we'll have you come back in a week. You know, maybe, maybe the woman is on her period.

Touseef Mirza:
Or maybe she's just having a really crappy day, or maybe-

Dr. Sophia:
She's having a really bad day.

Touseef Mirza:
Bad day and this is like the last straw. Like she thought she could handle it, but now when the rubber meets the road, it's just like, you know what?

Dr. Sophia:
I can't do this today. Yeah,

Touseef Mirza:
It's too much. It's just too much. But this is why this episode is so important. The same thing as, you know, I didn't know I had the right to say, can you go slower because it's painful. And I think we need to open up that conversation and actually say, just because that's what you thought doesn't mean that that is the truth. That there's actually a more humane way to do this.

Dr. Sophia:
I get that there's a really bad history in medicine, but we don't have to perpetuate it. And that's coming from the healthcare provider standpoint and from the patient standpoint, you don't have to stand for it. This is 2026. We have to be able to do better as healthcare providers for sure. And then from a patient perspective, it's not a matter of having to do better, but rather becoming your best friend. And you treat yourself the way you would if it was your best friend, and you would say what you would tell your best friend, ask for what you need, say what you're really feeling, and be like, I'm here for you. I'm here for you. And when I say that, I mean, you're here for yourself. You are there for you.

Touseef Mirza:
Loving yourself is a journey, right? Like it's, some people have access to that and some people don't. And yes, that is the ultimate journey of self-acceptance, and loving ourselves. I also just think that if you are not there, because for some people they're on the journey, the fact is that this is something you don't like because of X, Y, Z reasons, whatever they are. And you need to express them, period. That it shouldn't just be okay. I, I guess you know, the part that you were saying, if you're feeling them, if you're thinking them, communicate them, communicate. Can we start there? Can we start with if you're feeling them, if your intuition is saying something, if physically something's happening emotionally, something's happened, can we just give ourselves the permission to just express it with kindness, with openness so that the other person can hopefully receive it in the best way possible as well. It's a two-way street. It's a two-way street. The connection is a two-way street.

Dr. Sophia:
Let me tell you, I'm happy to do this episode, to speak specifically even not just to the, to the patients and the women, aside from being able to validate what they have been through and what they go through, but to speak to my colleagues, to speak to my other healthcare providers, whether you're a doctor, a nurse practitioner, a midwife, a you know, the other women, the other people who take care of women. I'm really here to say we have to take ownership of how we care in healthcare. It's part of the word. We need to bring the caring part, the empathy part, the compassionate part, into every interaction that we have with women, especially in vulnerable states.

Touseef Mirza:
You talk about care and compassion and dignity, and I think this is so needed, especially in healthcare. And you're saying that that's something that you've always embodied.

Dr. Sophia:
Yes.

Touseef Mirza:
So where does that come from?

Dr. Sophia:
I just knew you were gonna go there today Touseef.

Touseef Mirza:
You know it.

Dr. Sophia:
So a little story today, when we came in to do our thing here on the podcast, I had this amazing thing that happened, which was that my grandmother's cake was here for me. And it helped me to reflect and remember so much of my grandmother who passed away. But it just so happens it's gonna be my birthday week. It just so happens that I have some of my cousins who have been channeling my grandmother and specifically the birthday cake, because it was the thing that she did for us as kids, grandkids, for our birthdays no matter what. Mostly because my grandmother really didn't, you know, immigrant story didn't have much money, but the way that she showed us love was always with food and always reflecting and remembering our birthdays. And it helped me to reflect on my grandmother and how she has completely shaped who I am.

And I'll tell you that the one thing is the way my grandmother cared. She showed care to not just us, her family, but to everyone. How did she do that? Well, for us, for sure, like the, the, the birthday cake situation is like, she remembered everybody's birthday and she made a cake for everyone. She has 47 grandkids. That's like almost once a week, you know, like, yeah, for real, right between, yeah, a lot of us. But part of the way I saw my grandmother showing care was that it didn't matter that she lived in this two bedroom apartment and had six children to care for at that time. My grandmother has seven children, but at the moment, having six kids, grandkids that come through all the time, but other family members.

And her house was always open, always, not just to feed you, but if you needed a place to stay if you needed clothing or a little extra money or whatever. And she didn't have very much, but she would give you her last. And she understood that caring, just showing kindness and empathy went so much further than physical gifts. And I think for me, there's a definite spirit of my grandmother that lives in me in that way, that empathy that I can just meet you where you are and help you and, and show you kindness, because that's the most important thing, because that's the most important thing. So in my interactions, whether it's with my friends, friends, my family, or my patients. And I think going into the interactions and my encounters like that has helped me to do my best. And I can't say that I've, it's a hundred percent, I don't know, but I certainly try to show up with that level of compassion and that level of caring.

Touseef Mirza:
I just thought it was just so fitting as we were pulling all the different aspects for this episode, and then your grandma came into the fold and everything was in alignment. And I said, we have to like put this all together because everything is interconnected, right? Everything isn't, I mean, we talk about connection, literally talk about connection. Like this is even going further than that, but it's still a layer of connection. And so we wanted to dedicate this episode to your grandmother.

Dr. Sophia:
I really thank you for that because what my grandmother means to me and the way that I'm able to show up
and be reminded of who she was in my life is exactly in the way that I take care of people.

Touseef Mirza:
She's in you.

Dr. Sophia:
That she is, and I'm embracing every part of that.

Touseef Mirza:
So thank you to your amazing grandmother. Thank you to you for being such an amazing, caring person and a big happy birthday.

Dr. Sophia:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, friend. Thank you everyone for joining us here on the Dr. Sophia Obgyn podcast. I just feel incredibly blessed to have you as part of our community to be able to share here, even through this podcast. I hope you feel loved and cared for. Embrace your body, embrace yourself. Bye for now.

Touseef Mirza:
Bye.

Dr. Sophia:
This is General Medical Information based on my professional opinion and experience. For specific medical advice, please refer to your physician. Until next time, embrace your body. Embrace yourself.