Episode 42: Here comes PMS again!

Dr. Sophia:
Hello everyone. Welcome to the Dr. Sophia ObGyn podcast. I'm an ObGyn practicing for over 15 years in my native New York City. And I love to help women learn about their bodies, empower them, and embrace themselves. On this podcast, we talk openly and with heart about all things affecting women from pregnancy, menopause periods, sexual health, fertility, and so much more. Disclaimer, this is general medical information based on my professional opinion and experience. For specific medical advice, please refer to your physician.

Hello everyone, and welcome to the Dr. Sophia ObGyn podcast. Today is a special treat because we are gonna talk about having men a part of the delivery room, the delivery process, prenatal care, just kind of what it is like to have the partner involved in the birth. And we realized that we talk all the time on this podcast, obviously, about women and women's health, and figured why not discuss what it's like to have the men in the room. And as always, I am joined by my good friend and co-host Touseef Mirza.

Touseef Mirza:
Hi everybody. So yes, like Sophia was saying, we always talk about women, and we will continue to always talk about women because we're fabulous and we need all of this. And especially when it comes to giving birth, this is a time where the woman needs a lot of support, and also it is a delivery from a communion, and therefore we wanted to look at it more in a holistic lens as well. So we are gonna bring in the boys in this conversation much more, and maybe that's something we do in other topics as well. So we're gonna start with this one. So let's start with the first in terms of when you do a delivery in the practice that you do, which is usually, because we know we're in 2025 and there's all the different types of partnerships. Now, in terms of lifelong partnerships, what type of partners are you seeing most of the time in terms of delivery?

Dr. Sophia:
Honestly, the majority of the people that I'm delivering to are women or women who identify as cis women and their partners are cis men. So that's really, I would say where the majority of my experiences are. That isn't to say that I don't acknowledge birthing persons and their partners, it's just that that's just not what I'm really seeing. Or as a majority, or even I, I wouldn't even call it a majority. It's not even a minority per se in the sense that it's so and much more rare.

Touseef Mirza:
So I think for that, we do wanna be inclusive. And that being said, most of the stories that we're gonna be talking about are based on your personal experience and therefore based mostly on the partnership of women and men.

And so now that we looked at like the, the people that are involved, the backgrounds of the people, because I think, you know, one of the things when we talk about the relationship between men and women and because of birthing journey or a delivery is such a special, unique aspect that people from different backgrounds might relate to it in different ways. And therefore, what is typically the background of the couples that you deliver?

Dr. Sophia:
Now, I am pretty fortunate that I have an opportunity to deliver people from all different backgrounds where I currently work, and actually where I've been all over the city, I've had an opportunity to work with very varied cultures, races, ethnic backgrounds.

Touseef Mirza:
Being from New York City.

Dr. Sophia:
Being from New York City, I mean, it's just, it's the melting pot. Now, where I am in Westchester, I have, again, I still feel like I have a real variety of patients that I get a chance to deal with, to work with, and help them through their birthing process. But given that fact, you're absolutely right, there has to be a sense of like, I guess cultural competency or just being able to be really considerate and and empathetic to the different cultural norms and-

Touseef Mirza:
Their beliefs.

Dr. Sophia:
And their beliefs and how to, especially in this conversation about the men in the room. Because I think as Americans specifically, we come from a place in this day and age where it's expected, right, to have men be a part of the process, be a part of the journey of the care for giving birth. But in many other cultures, that's not actually the case. In many other cultures, the women really go through the journey with other women and their families. And whether it's their mothers or their mother-in-laws or their, their sisters, their aunties. And so the men are actually not involved

Touseef Mirza:
Almost by design.

Dr. Sophia:
Almost by design. I think it's different when you come from a culture where it's like a village and the women in the village and in the town, you know, in the community who gather around and really help the woman to go through her labor, you know? And that labor process and the birthing process is also something that's done at home, for example. So it's taking into account that it's a very different vision of birth coming here, being in the United States, for example, and having to deliver at a hospital and not the way that you would normally see it. And to that point, or to that end, it may have made it really a, a really interesting dynamic with having the partners and the men, especially of those different backgrounds, come and be a part of the process.

Touseef Mirza:
It's interesting because it's almost like you're putting your anthropological hat on and trying to really understand their customs and their culture in order to really also respect what they are going through in their beliefs and try to see, you know, what could be elevating that experience in terms of the delivery.

Dr. Sophia:
For sure. It's like when I have families that are from certain, like religious backgrounds, even, you know, where men are really typically not involved in the, in the care. And then now all of a sudden, you know, it's like, no, where's your husband? Bring your husband with you. Or, or bring your partner with you to your appointments. Mm. And the women I find are really interested. In the new narrative of, you know, the cultural difference and and the acceptance of men being a part of their care.

Touseef Mirza:
So before we go into like, going down more in terms of people from different backgrounds, I'm curious, just in general, for the men who do wanna be part, like we said, like that's becoming more customary in terms of men being involved in the delivery. Have you seen that they're like, excited about it? Or are they scared of it? Like, what is the, what's their like, general impression when it's about being in the room?

Dr. Sophia:
I mean, in general, I would say that honestly I'm really excited and happy when I see that the partner is in the room and then they get excited. Just even a routine prenatal care visit, let's say. And the partner, the husband, the boyfriend is in the room and they get to learn about what's going on, how the baby's growing. They get to hear the heartbeat. They, it's like building a bond and connection with the pregnancy and for the kind of medical part of it that has to happen. Like, what's going on? What's, what's her blood pressure? How is this impacting her? How's the baby doing? Is it okay if she takes this medication? And I think it's important for the guys to really become involved. And, and I see that a lot of them are like, those that come, they wanna know what's happening, you know, they wanna know how this is gonna affect the baby. . How is this affecting my wife? Can she still work? I find it pretty. I don't wanna say the word is not fascinating, but endearing.

Touseef Mirza:
And that's something that you've seen increased over the years?

Dr. Sophia:
I've definitely seen an increase over the years. I think a lot, especially with first time moms, I definitely see an increase in, it's not just their moms anymore who are accompanying them or their friends or their sisters. I really see an increase in the men in their lives really, you know, like joining them through the journey, joining them in the process, and really acting as a support person. And I think it's beautiful. I think it's, it's necessary for men to kind of see what the woman is going through, what's the expectation from a medical standpoint, what are some of the things that she has to endure, whether it's testing, like having your partner sit with you during a prenatal visit, especially if it's the one, let's say you have to come in for the glucose testing. Is

Touseef Mirza:
That at the beginning or in the middle?

Dr. Sophia:
It's kind of in the middle. Okay. The mom has to sit basically for one hour after she drinks something really sweet that usually feels pretty gross, can make them nauseous, but they have to wait an hour and then have their blood drawn. And I think it's nice to have somebody sitting there with you and then you guys can talk about stuff like what the appointment was like. You know, sometimes you have an actual appointment with the doc or your provider, you know, before or after, or a sonogram before or after. And you guys get, you get a chance to kind of bond over the experience and the woman herself is not left alone. I definitely, definitely think there is a true benefit to having that sense of, or feeling of support from the get go and for that support to come from your partner. And I definitely think that the men themselves are becoming a lot more interested and let me not say more interested. They may have always been interested, but I just, they weren't showing up.

Touseef Mirza:
The proof is in the pudding.

Dr. Sophia:
People, you know, the proof is definitely in the pudding. I certainly think that in this day and age, I find the men to be way more involved. Way more involved. And you know, what's funny is that I have the beauty of teaching and I'm teaching medical students. And so oftentimes in the room, I have the medical student in the room. And so I'm explaining things like fundal height, which is the measurement of how, how the baby has grown, you know, maybe from one visit to the next. And in accordance with how pregnant the woman is? And, then you see the husbands, the guys, they're like, oh, that's how, how, that's how you know, how big the baby is. Or if the baby's growing well and they're really interested. Or if I show them, oh, I can feel the baby's body parts, like, where's the head versus where's the butt, you know. And it becomes like a really nice interaction. So not only do I get a chance to teach the student, but I'm teaching the mom, I'm teaching the husband, everybody in the room is getting a lesson. And everybody in the room understands what's happening with that baby.

Touseef Mirza:
I just wanna give context, you know, because you look very young. That being said, when you say, in my experience, that's over 15 years. So just to put it in context, it's not like you've been around for two years and you know, there's an increase, but you've seen an evolution. I think also what's interesting is that you're saying that even if we were talking specifically more about delivery, the fact that the partner comes in more at the beginning. They I guess most likely will continue to tag along because they're in it now for the ride, right? Like they're more connected to it.

Dr. Sophia:
Connected and invested. And, you know, they're there for not only their prenatal visit, but now we can go dive a little deeper when we're talking about delivery. I'll tell you, for me, as an ob, GYN is probably one of the top parts of being an ob, GYN in terms of reward, having gone through the whole prenatal care, the woman gets pregnant, it's exciting. The first trimester can suck sometimes. And then of course, the third trimester can be very tiring. But at the end, there's the end goal and the reward is the delivery. And when we're in the delivery room, the excitement, the, the joy of, you know, the babies coming, the babies coming. And overall, I would say that everybody is excited. The women are very, especially for first time moms. Wow. What is it gonna be like? And then, the feeling like they're starting to have contractions and thinking that, oh, okay, I feel contractions. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Touseef Mirza:
These are not the real ones.

Dr. Sophia:
These, these are not the real ones. These are not the ones, this is not, this is not it. You know? And to see the progression of how everybody in the room is excited and small smiles and everybody is happy. And even in between contractions, we're still telling jokes and things like that. And then the evolution of the way that the woman certainly changes when those contractions change from being, I just feel them to, oh my god, super painful. And then, oh my God, starting to use explicit language.

Touseef Mirza:
Like crash and burn.

Dr. Sophia:
Oh, yes, yes. Oh yes. And just all the F-bombs. I don't care. Whatever you wanna call it. You know, not that we can't curse on the podcast, it's just, you know, not necessary. Right. But oh, yeah, it all comes out. It all comes out. And then the change of the partners and the husbands and the guys in the room from being, oh, this is so wonderful to being like, get the hell outta here, you did this to me. And then the men being like deer in headlights, you know? And I definitely see the element of just feeling scared.

Touseef Mirza:
So let's talk about that. So a lot of times the reason why men will not wanna be involved, or one of the biggest sentiments if they decide to to, to be in the delivery room, is the fear and the anxiety of going through that. What do they usually say? Like, what is the one of the biggest things, what are they fearful of?

Dr. Sophia:
I honestly think it's the helplessness. It's watching someone you care about and love go through excruciating pain and they can't do anything. Can't do anything about it. You know, or the feeling like they can't do anything about it. And it's a, it's a moment when I do try to show them some other techniques and ways in which they can connect with their partner in order to help alleviate some of the pain, to-

Touseef Mirza:
Feel useful.

Dr. Sophia:
Feel more useful. For example, whether it's giving them light touch or massage or breathing, holding, breathing with them, holding pressure points. Because I think that kind of connection and involvement starts to make them feel, as you said, more useful. Let men feel needed.

Touseef Mirza:
Yes.

Dr. Sophia:
And they will go to town with that. Yes. So, but in fact they are. I say that in the sense that yes, we also as women need to let them let them feel needed.

Touseef Mirza:
Fully, fully agree. Yes. so that's one part in terms of them feeling that they can't-

Dr. Sophia:
Help with the pain.

Touseef Mirza:
Help with the pain. And what about the actual sort of the whole delivery aspect, the biologics of it all?

Dr. Sophia:
So some other men are really very fearful of things like blood and delivery can be bloody, you know, the actual delivery itself of seeing the birth, the head of the baby coming through the vagina. And here we're talking about vaginal birth, and it could be in a cesarean birth too, there are different things, or different aspects, but a little different because they're a little bit more removed from having to see the kind of gory parts perhaps, or the parts that are not so cute.

Touseef Mirza:
Or, or sterile.

Dr. Sophia:
Or, you know, the sterility part of a, of a c-section is so different from the vaginal delivery. But if we're just talking about vaginal birth for a minute, literally seeing the woman's vagina literally open to accommodate a whole baby is so exasperating, let's just put it that way. For some men , they just, their, their eyes widened. They, I think they actually start to lose feeling in their hands and, and feet and legs. And, it's happened before . Where the men literally pass out literally

Touseef Mirza:
By looking at them.

Dr. Sophia:
By looking, by watching the process. I think for the most part, aside from being like, wow, holy cow. I think it brings them to a point of like a woman's body is amazing. Now, of course, some men are super eager. Some men wanna be involved in the whole thing. They wanna see everything. They wanna-

Touseef Mirza:
Like, over the top,

Dr. Sophia:
Like over the top. And that is, that probably is a little bit more rare, but also happens. So, you know, I get to see the gamut. But scared for sure. I think because they feel helpless, scared because they are scared of the process, all the, whether it's blood or, you know, women sometimes can, you know, poop on themselves. And things that happen naturally as part of the delivery process, you remember when that head is coming out, it's pushing on the rectum, it's pushing on the anus. And if you're pushing the woman correctly, that is the pushing force.

Touseef Mirza:
Like, the woman isn't choosing, alright..am I gonna push? She's just going at it.

Dr. Sophia:
Right? Yeah, exactly. So for some that's a place that they're like, whoa, what's happening? You know? So I think there's a lot of different things to be kind of fearful around at the time.

Touseef Mirza:
But there's nothing to be really like logically fearful of. It's just that it's just so different and new and a little, I mean, it's raw.

Dr. Sophia:
It's very raw.

Touseef Mirza:
It's very raw. Yeah. I mean that's, I mean, we've been delivering babies for, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of years. But I guess the concept of realizing that there's a head that's coming out of the vagina almost feels a little sci-fi. You know, like, how is that even possible?

Dr. Sophia:
Definitely. How is that even possible? And then the vagina is like a rubber band. That thing is amazing, honestly. It goes woo, it likes, it literally opens and then closes. Mm. You know like a whole baby just came out and then the vagina like closes back again. It's wild. It's really wild. And to be fair, my favorite term , some women don't want their men to see them in that state. It's a very, very vulnerable state. Hmm. And some women just feel uncomfortable with their partners seeing their sexy parts change.

So I've had women who are like, I just don't want him to be down and be able to see this. I don't, you know? And so I'm like, okay, no problem. He can stay at your head, the, the, the, the top of the bed. And it's good. I think we should honor how women are feeling in the moment as well. It's important to have their partners, but to have them in the way that the couple has already agreed to.

Touseef Mirza:
So I think that's an important point. So when you say that you don't make decisions on the spot, right? Like these decisions about how you want the delivery to happen in terms of the relationship between the men and the woman and what they're gonna do should be addressed before they actually enter the delivery room

Dr. Sophia:
If they can. I would say absolutely. Okay. That's a great conversation for them to have together. And then also for them to have with their provider, right? Like, what is the expectation of the partner in the room? How are they going? How should they be addressed? How can they be supportive? And what does the woman want? And, and, you know, and, and for me, from my perspective, it's kind of like, Hey, I'm already taking care of two patients. I'm already taking care of you, the woman in the room and the baby in the room. And so those are-

Touseef Mirza:
The two patients.

Dr. Sophia:
Are my two patients already?

Touseef Mirza:
Not the man.

Dr. Sophia:
So the man is not my patient. You pass out, you're on the floor, you're on your own, you know.

Touseef Mirza:
You got your hands

Dr. Sophia:
Full. I already have my hands full. So no, but, you know, and all seriousness, I think it's good for us as a, as a unit, as a team, as the support team for that woman to kind of go through who's doing what and why, and not why, but like, what is gonna make the woman the most relaxed and comfortable in, in that moment. And if she wants her partner, even things like knowing who's gonna cut the cord, you know, we often, I like to always offer it to the partner, would you like to cut the cord? But some of them, they're like, no, I don't want to do it again. Because of that sense of either fear or just not really wanting to see blood or not.

Touseef Mirza:
Or actually not the concept of cutting something.

Dr. Sophia:
The concept of cutting something that's tissue or fleshy or-

Touseef Mirza:
That was inside that was-

Dr. Sophia:
Inside. Like there's so many different reasons, dynamics or what have you. Most men feel comfortable doing it. But those that don't, that's okay.

Touseef Mirza:
You know, so you're not saying you have to be all in for the delivery. It's, it's like to have the conversation about what is the most comfortable for both parties, for both,

Dr. Sophia:
For both parties. My party is always with women. However, I think it's good to go through what are the steps, what's gonna happen, what to expect, what, and, and who can play what role. And you know, I think it's a great conversation to have before we even get to the delivery. So that way there, we already can have a lot of surprises in birth. I mean, things can change in an instant. So given the fact that we can already have all these surprises, being able to have even a little bit of planning. And understanding beforehand is helpful.

Touseef Mirza:
So we talked about planning, and I guess the other thing we started to talk about is for the men to be supportive of their, of their woman in whichever way possible. And one way to do that is actually to be able to self-regulate themselves. Yes. Right? Because so I mean, at this point, the woman can do whatever the hell she wants, right? Because she's like literally delivering her own body is going bonkers.

Dr. Sophia:
Going bonkers. Yeah.

Touseef Mirza:
Sure. So if she wants to lose her mind, she has every right to, but the man or the partner needs should

Dr. Sophia:
Keep it together.

Touseef Mirza:
Together. Like if you are losing more of your mind than the woman, then , why are you there?

Dr. Sophia:
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We need the guys to keep their composure. You know, I think for a lot of men, I know for, I have one couple in mind where the man really didn't even want to be a part of the delivery. It just wasn't a part of his cultural experience and things like that. And I said, I think, you know, your wife would really appreciate you being there. And this was when she was in the delivery room,
In the delivery room. that was her only support person, you know, that was gonna be her only source of support and, and comfort. And with a little bit of reluctance, he did join. But then once he was in the room and once he was a part of everything, holding her head, giving her water and ice chips, and, you know, I, I think it brought a different level of understanding of what the woman's body is going through and a different level of-

Touseef Mirza:
Compassion?

Dr. Sophia:
Compassion and appreciation for his wife, to be honest. Having seen, seeing her going through the motions of the labor and then ultimately the delivery. He was so emotional, which I expect, but for him as someone who didn't wanna be there in the first place, and then, and not because of some, just because he doesn't want to be there to be supportive, but rather because it was a cultural difference, right. Not part of the thing that he was used to, but afterwards being able to sit there, hold his baby for the first time, and then having seen his wife go through this expansive delivery process and he, he turned around and said, wow, I mean, I love my wife, but I'm gonna be so much nicer to her

Touseef Mirza:
After she's gone through this, I'm gonna treat her like a queen. I'm-

Dr. Sophia:
Gonna treat her like the queen that she deserves. Because look at what she had just gone through for the delivery of, and they had a boy of their son. But it was just like it was, it was incredible to watch the change in attitude and feeling and emotion and compassion and empathy in them.

Touseef Mirza:
And, and the probably a much deeper level of connection that, that came out of that

Dr. Sophia:
I, I suspect. Yes. Absolutely.

Touseef Mirza:
Because like you said, it is a very vulnerable experience and it is really in, when we are vulnerable that we connect on different levels or else agree. Right. Or else we're sometimes going through the motions, but if we really sort of break down and lose our, so to speak, then you're really seeing me raw. And that's a lot of vulnerability. But there's a beauty in that, in, in that this is, I'm not trying to be anybody else. I can't, I have no energy to do anything else. So here I am in my sweat, in my swearing, in my pushing and everything,

Dr. Sophia:
In everything. And then I think the level of connection, of course, is that they've gone, they, the woman has just gone through this process in order to deliver their child.

Touseef Mirza:
Yeah. His child too. That's his child. It's not just hers,

Dr. Sophia:
Not hers, just it's, it's theirs. And I definitely think at that level, that the depth of that kind of connection, the depth of that kind of love and appreciation for the fact that you do, you, you did this, you created, you helped to bring this forth.

Touseef Mirza:
And then, I mean, when you think about it, then the baby benefits that too, because now there's a greater connection to the baby because of sharing that part of the journey together,

Dr. Sophia:
Sharing that experience. There's no question.

Touseef Mirza:
And I think also what's important in terms of what you're saying is that part, that connection that you're talking about as, as, as much as you're absolutely a tremendously fabulous OB-GYN, you can't deliver that level of intensity to the woman. You know, your job is to deliver the baby in, in, in the, in the healthiest way possible, right?

Dr. Sophia:
Absolutely.

Touseef Mirza:
So I think also there needs to be an understanding of, of, of your role in this. And that you can't be doing everything. Your nurses can't be doing anything. That level of bond can only come from somebody that's really close.

Dr. Sophia:
The bonding, that level of comfort, that level of connection needs to be, and can only be between that mom, the baby, and the partner. You know, like I am there, yes, to bring the safest delivery possible to make the mother as comfortable as possible. But that sense of love and connection and support, I think, is bar none there with their partner. And, you know, if those, if those things are all aligned, there's no way that I could ever replicate that, nor do I want to. That's just not my role. It really is a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing for me in terms of observing it and watching it and why births are so rewarding, you know, to see that raw emotion, not just with a mother, but definitely with the fathers.

Touseef Mirza:
So we talked about planning, we talked about the support and the emotional connection and support. And the third one I wanted to talk about is advocacy. So, you know, the woman doesn't know what the hell's going on. And for the husband to be there to advocate for her. So, I guess what I wanna know is what does advocacy look like in that situation? Because it's for some, somebody else. And can they go too far?

Dr. Sophia:
I actually really love this question because the advocacy role of the partner is so important. This is where it comes to the planning, the understanding, the expectation of who and what the mom wants in the moment, even when she cannot speak for herself. And sometimes it's as easy as, as simple as saying, as asking questions regarding can she eat, can she drink? Can I bring her something? Can she walk around? Can we walk around together? Does the baby need to be on the monitor all the time? How does she have to have an IV continuously? Like things that we can talk about in the birth plan, but then actually once we've discussed it before in the birth plan, to make sure that some of those things are actually happening. You know, can we play music? Can, you know, the lighting in the room?

And these are things that the mother doesn't necessarily need to ask for or be talking about. She wants to kind of be in her zone and in her zen. And, and the father can be discussing those things with the nurses, talking those things over again with the doctor, so that way the woman can have her sense of peace. I think it's extremely helpful as if the relationship between the two, the mother and the father, that they're kind of on a unified front basically. So that way it's obvious that he is asking and advocating for the things that she wants. Now, where does it go too far? Let's say I have a mom who says, I really wanna try for an unmedicated birth, or I really wanna try to not have any pain medication.

One of the things that I like to say to moms is, that's fine. Let's go over some of our strategies or tools that we're gonna use in order to make sure that you can actually get through the pain. And then, you know, we decide that we're not gonna bring up the term epidural, or that there is some type of a code word. For example, we, there's a, there is a code that we're gonna say. And if, if she says that word, then it means that that's what she wants. That we've either gotten to a point where she feels like she can no longer take the pain or she's just changed her mind.

Touseef Mirza:
Because also, especially, I mean, I haven't. I haven't gone through a pregnancy, but like you said, once the woman is in the delivery room, things can change. And also for a first time pregnant woman, she might think she can handle it, but I guess the pain or the physiological effects is not something you can fully grasp until you're actually going through it.

Dr. Sophia:
There's no question. And so there's, there's one thing to have a mom who we've had multiple discussions about and with the partner in the room and we've had multiple discussions about it versus the husband or the partner who's like, she's not getting an epidural. Okay, well let me talk to her about that. You get what I'm saying? Like, some men, instead of being just supportive and advocating for what the woman wants, come on the scene, and they're kind of like dictating-

Touseef Mirza:
In terms of what they want, what-

Dr. Sophia:
They want, and how they think the birth should go. And yeah, that part, that's where we go too far. Because you're not the person who's actually going through the process. You know, you're not the one who has to go through the pain . And so if things change, or if you're the one who's simply just dictating yeah, that's not gonna be a good vibe, let's just stay in the room. And that's definitely in a place where the partner can go too far. Sometimes they, I mean, honestly, I have to remind men, you're not the person who's going through this process. And so we are gonna do whatever she wants to do.

Touseef Mirza:
Hence advocacy. You're advocating for her.

Dr. Sophia:
Right.

Touseef Mirza:
Not for yourself.

Dr. Sophia:
Not for yourself, not for what you think it should be. And the ones that come in and say, oh, well my mom did it, da dah, dah, dah, my sister did it. And I'm like, I'm very happy for your mom and your sister. I'm glad that they were able to get this accomplished. The, whoever way that they did. Your wife, your partner, your girlfriend, whoever she is that's having your baby, is going through it her way. . And then there are times when we have couples where there may be other issues already in the relationship. There may be abuse, history of abuse, verbal abuse, physical, all kinds of things. And all of those things need to be managed sometimes right there,

Touseef Mirza:
Because things can get intense in there and that blows up. That is correct. That those traits can blow up,

Dr. Sophia:
Those traits can blow up. That stuff bubbles up right there in the, in the delivery room. Mm. So the delivery room is a very interesting place.

Touseef Mirza:
Sounds like a very intense area.

Dr. Sophia:
It can be, it can be very intense for the most part. I have to admit though, it's a beautiful place. Mm. It's a beautiful place for women. It's a beautiful place for the fathers in the room. But like I said, it can also be an episode of Maury

Touseef Mirza:
And I think it's really important that we're having this conversation, you know, what we talked about at the beginning is that if we are able to convey to the partners, to the men, how they could be the most useful and how to interact, like, to, to have that clarity before going in the room. Right. In terms of the advocacy, in terms of like the star of the show is your woman period.

Dr. Sophia:
Definitely.

Touseef Mirza:
And the baby.

Dr. Sophia:
The baby for sure. Yes. They just get the connection between them and their woman and what she's gotta go through.

Touseef Mirza:
And it's also, it's super important for the woman to have that level of support. Because you know, we talked about the man a lot because we wanted to have an episode there, but meanwhile the woman is also super scared, right? Oh, for sure. The woman is super scared. 'cause she's like, how the hell is this thing gonna come out of me? Finally, we're here. At the same time, there's excitement. But the fact is, if your partner is there and you know that you have somebody that you can, I guess squeeze the hell outta the hand and it's a huge source of relief.

Dr. Sophia:
Even of relief.

Touseef Mirza:
Even if you're scared, but at least somebody's there with you to say, it's going to be okay, we're gonna do this together.

Dr. Sophia:
Absolutely.

Touseef Mirza:
So I feel that for this podcast we always say, you know, the, the podcast is for women mostly because we talk about women's health, but obviously we're always inviting everybody, including the men, to listen to this podcast as well, because you have mothers and sisters and wives and daughters and friends.

Dr. Sophia:
That you can learn about.

Touseef Mirza:
Exactly. Learn the issues.

Touseef Mirza:
I would say even more for this episode, it would be really great for men to listen and to really understand why we really need them, especially at this vulnerable time, scary time, special time, connection, time with their significant other, with their partner. So please all the women, 'cause we have more women listening to us right now, please send this to all the men also this time and not just the women, because we need to have this information everywhere.

Dr. Sophia:
Yes. Having men know that they are needed, that we want them there, we need them in the delivery, through the delivery process, that that just affords a better delivery, a safer delivery. It's good to have that support person. So it's not like having a doula, right. Who can help even with not just techniques and things and, and some of the understanding of clinical things that may be happening, but it's so important to have that connection, that sheer joy of sharing in the birth process with the person who made it happen in the first place. There's a different kind of joy. There's a different kind of understanding and feeling between those two people. And I think everybody should go through it if they can.

Touseef Mirza:
So it's beyond the physiological support, but it's also the emotional connection and even potentially the spiritual, spiritual unleashing.

Dr. Sophia:
For sure. This episode has been so much fun to talk about. And here of course, we always talk about embracing your body, embracing yourself. And in this episode we invite everyone, including the men, to embrace your body and embrace yourself in the feelings, in the emotions, in the ways in which you can be your true self and the supportive person for your loved one during the birth process. Thank you so much for joining us on the Dr. Sophia ObGyn podcast. Until next time, bye

This is General Medical Information based on my professional opinion and experience. For specific medical advice, please refer to your physician. Until next time, embrace your body. Embrace yourself.